Bowen White

Bowen White Speaking Topics

Why Normal Isn't Healthy

How did we learn the “right way” to do things? Trial and error. We did it wrong, wrong, wrong until we finally did it right!! And when we did it wrong, we were told, “If I’ve told you once I’ve told you 1000 times…) We heard we were bad and should be ashamed of ourselves. So we all got more specific negative feedback that specific positive feedback on the road to learning how to do things well/right. Also, warmth was withheld until performance criteria were met. "Your father and I are very proud to see you’ve finally learned how to do that the right way!” Getting more specific negative feedback than specific positive feedback while learning the right way to do things means we all got our feelings of inadequacy reinforced in the process. And those feelings never go away. Why? The voice of the parent becomes the inner voice of the child. So, when we make a mistake we don’t need anyone else to reinforce our feelings of inadequacy. We do it to ourselves! The result is that we all have a secret. That part of us that has those feelings of inadequacy is called the scared one; scared guy, scared gal inside who never goes away. However, it is a secret we all share yet don’t talk about. The irony is that having those feelings of inadequacy doesn’t mean we’re inadequate. In fact, it’s a great driver of ambition to show the world our worth by doing things really well. Better yet, perfectly. That way no one will know our secret! That’s the plus side if you will of the scared one. The downside is that how we operate in relationships is a function of how we learned to feel about ourselves. It’s not a function of how well we do anything! And everything gets done through relationships. So, we can be really good at implementing a product improvement process and not be very good at coaching someone to learn how. "What’s your problem? What’s wrong with you? Well, that’s just how I was taught! Now try it again and do it right this time!" Just as people can learn how to do some process improvement in manufacturing, they can also learn some process improvement in their relationships, both at work and at home.

Communication and Team Building in a Time of Change

Given the above modis operendi of do it right or not at all, certain implications result. For one, although we were told that honesty is the best policy. Is that what we learned? Remember we all have a scared one inside whose motto is, safety and security at all costs. So when we were asked if we did something that we weren’t supposed to do, it might not have felt safe to admit that we did. The bubble above our head filled with awful images of what happened the last time we got into trouble. “No, I did not!” rolls off the tongue. Honesty wasn’t the best policy. To be honest is to risk being vulnerable. And the scared one is risk averse. If I admit that I need help with a project or that I made a mistake, my image in your eyes may diminish. And I risk you seeing me as inadequate. Plus, being vulnerable is not a cultural value. However, high team function cannot develop without high levels of trust amongst teammates. And without honesty and the certain knowledge that no one will take advantage of our vulnerability, a trusting environment will be lacking. Everything is always changing and with change comes stress. Why? One reason is that the scared one is driven by the fear that at any moment he could be exposed as inadequate. Fear is the driver of the stress response. And the stress response is a survival response. So, when we’re functioning at a survival frequency we act out the scared one’s motto, safety and security at all costs. What is best for the common good of the team falls away and our own survival becomes paramount. Outcomes: Participants will get an understanding of what gets in the way of getting to where they want to be at work as well as at home and the value of working for the wellbeing of others at some cost to themselves. That cost is an investment and the return on investment is a much more positive, enjoyable worklife and homelife.

Relational Selling

We’ve all heard it said, people take their money very……..(fill in the blank) seriously. Right. When you’re talking about money it’s a very serious thing. It’s like medicine. People take their illnesses very seriously and very personally as well. It’s also true of their money. People take their money very... personally. And they give it very personally! So, to what kind of person do you want to give your money. Products and services are all similar. Prices are too. Then what is it that causes you to open your wallet and hand over your hard-earned money? It’s the personal relationship that has developed with the person doing the selling. It’s not about the product. Of course, they have to know about the product and believe in the product. That’s a given. It’s about the person selling the product. What are her values? Does she really care about us and helping us solve a problem? Is he honest or is he just saying what he thinks I want to hear? Is she pleasant to be around and responds quickly when we have a problem? Are they in it for the long term? Can I trust them like a friend? Outcome: learn to be the kind of person to whom you want to give your money.

The Juggling Act: Balancing Multiple Priorities

First, this is not a time management program. It’s an interactive 3 hour session about learning how to get your own needs met at the same time you help others get their needs met. So learning is required and juggling is a great metaphor for learning. Sure there are different learning styles which are unique to each of us. But what do we share in common regardless of those differences. What is the final common pathway of learning? And what secret do we share in common that keeps us from following that path to manage all the important grownup stuff we have to do?

Creating a Healthy Workplace

Rank without Rankism: Everything gets done through relationships. How people are treated determines the health of the organization, collectively and individually. Rankism occurs when someone takes away the dignity of another person by pulling rank. In other words, a somebody makes someone else feel like a nobody. Everyone is a SOMEBODY and nobody a Nobody. Cultivating a dignitarian workplace makes for a suspiciously healthy place to work where collaboration amongst equals creates the best solutions for those being served.

Ethics

We heard honesty is the best policy growing up. Was it? And what was the model we saw around us even in our own families. What is selective honesty? Is the best moral decision the best business decision, period? And if so, the greatest good for all will be served. How do we get off the path? How do we get back on? What is the risk?

Bowen White Videos

Bowen White Speaker Testimonials

“Wise, witty, wonderful. Bowen navigates the inner territory in a way that speaks to everyone’s heart.”

- Marty Sullivan, MD, Cardiologist and Director | Duke Center for Integrative Medicine, Duke University Medical Center

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- Lisa Dansie-Daley, Director of Marketing & Education | Washington State Pharmacists Association

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“A master of innovation, Bowen White gives us the tools we need to change ourselves and to move culture by creating an environment conducive to creativity and growth. He understands the value of being comfortable with ourselves and allowing others to do the same. Funny and intelligent, he leads readers on an exciting exploration, a trip you won’t want to miss.”

- Sue Klepac | Lucent Technologies